Solidarity & Hope

During the last week, like so many others, I have gone through feelings of anger, sadness, and despair – not sure what to think or what to say or how to help.

I was trying to think through any words I could offer beyond acknowledging the obvious; that this is a difficult time for our black brothers and sisters. More important, I want to recognize that we are, together, our brothers’ and sisters’ keepers. That while our society is fractured and injustice abounds and more and more people are deprived of basic human rights and considered expendable, standing in solidarity is much more than a feeling of vague compassion or distress at the suffering of others. Standing in solidarity is a firm and persevering determination to commit yourself and what you do to the common good because we are all responsible to each other.

I think one responsibility is to offer compassion and care.

• Ask others how they would like to be supported. Everyone copes with sadness and frustration differently and it's important to offer help in a way that best suits their needs. Even a simple gesture can brighten someone's spirit; it can be exactly what they need.

• We all deserve to be heard in our grief, no matter what that grief may be. To be supportive, we need to shift the focus from grief and sadness as a problem to be solved to an experience to be tended. We need to provide others what we most want for ourselves: understanding, compassion, validation, and a way through the pain.

• Every person has experienced pain in their life, but no one else has experienced the fear, sadness and grief our black brothers, sisters, friends, and colleagues have. While it’s tempting to offer your own experience in order to let another person know you understand, the truth is, you don’t understand. You can’t. Even if your experiences are similar, it’s important to resist the urge to use your own experience as a point of connection and focus on listening with compassion.

• While it is tempting to try to cheer someone up by reminding them that, someday, this will be behind us, it's important to stay present and allow our friends and colleagues to feel whatever it is they're feeling right now.

• It’s OK to be honest and admit that you're struggling too!! The important thing to remember is that you don’t need to be perfect. It’s OK to start a conversation with, 'I have no idea what to say’ or 'I want to give you space, but I’m worried about you and I want to check in.' Being present and honest is important. Trying to hide your discomfort just makes things worse. Sometimes, it’s a huge relief to be around people who are willing to be uncomfortable and still ‘show up’ anyway. Some things can only be carried for a while until we can work together on a solution.

• Most important, I think now is the time to keep hope alive. I know we can make a difference and that America can be better, much better, than this. I know that together we can be part of the solution. It starts with offering compassionate care for those hurting.

We need to listen for understanding, we need to engage our local, state, and federal officials and hold them accountable for change, and we need to use our voices and vote for change. Most important, we need to keep the light of hope bright and we need to be good to each other!

#BlackLivesMatter #HopeandSolidarity